Why hullo, it’s Me, kia ora! 😃 Thanks for tuning in, and yes I know, it’s been awhile!! Yeah, more than awhile, an age perhaps? Less than an Eon, definitely, I’ve not had to survive any extinction level events so…..(don’t go there) yeah, it’s been awhile.

My Bad.

This is where I’m at anyways, my 2023 sit-rep. So…… Well. Since, FOREVER, I’ve had a distinctly hate-love relationship with all things social media. From the start of my journey with photography I’ve relied popular platforms to share and circulate my images.  For a long time sharing my hobby has given me a lot of joy and introduced me to lots of interesting people as I discovered a vibrant community of good people who quickly became friends and compatriots. It’s never been about ‘Likes’ for me or the quadrillions of followers. It’s been about connection, sharing and learning from others.

However, during the last couple of years my relationship with social media has been on a downward spiral, much to my dismay. I no longer trust my usual platform of choice, Instagram, to share my work fairly. Branching out onto newer apps like Vero, Grainery and PortraitMode has felt like a distinctly Sisyphus-like task, perpetually pushing up a hill that I’ve trodden before. It’s just so pointless.

As the platforms have shifted their algorithmic goalposts, it’s gotten harder and harder to reach out to people. Viewership dwindled, engagement declined, people stopped seeing and talking to me. I’ve actually had messages from people who live in the same city asking ‘Where have you been, Brother?‘! Right here actually, throwing things off my cliff, hoping you can hear me! The platforms now want me to jump through new hoops, do reels, share stories, make video clips to make my work more accessible….oh just fup off. I’m a stills photographer for fux sake, leave me alone!

All the while I didn’t realize it was affecting my mental health, forcing me down, sinking me lower and lower. It was only when my nearest and dearest, asked what was wrong that I realized how far I had fallen. At my age I should know better and yet my moods became dark and surly, all because the thing that had given me so much joy was now sucking the life out of me. I truly hadn’t realized how much it had been affecting my mood until I took an Insta-holiday.

Putting that phone away, switching off that tablet and BOOM, my life came back into focus. My love of photography soared, I felt inspired to start creating, exploring new ideas, getting out and about, working on projects I was proud of, talking to my friends, spending time with my loved ones. Those surly clouds went away.

Returning online afterwards I’d be okay for a while, but inevitably the dark clouds would return. My waking brain, my creative sluice, was telling me to keep on keeping on because I’ve been making some of my best work to date, and yet, my mood would plummet, a head full of stone. I can’t put my finger on what it is exactly about social media that makes me feel this way. All I know is that it’s not good for me. I need more than simple breaks, I need to change, and I need to renegotiate my relationship with social media entirely.

Briefly I entertained ways to re-energize my output, thinking that the problem was Me, so I followed the Herd…… doing the very things I hated so much about Instagram. Hours of thankless grift left me ever more dour, and for what? Reductive emoji conversations and a few extra shares, comment below 👍 🔥💜 and everything is tickety boo, right? For as long as I can remember it’s been me doing all the work, endlessly editing, posting, sharing and storifying. Whilst I’ve been offline it’s been interesting to see how others are trapped in that same spin cycle, posting ever more often just to keep in touch with their ‘audiences’. Single images, nah, you’re nowt without a ten piece post, plus an accompanying reel, add some music please and a crazy avatar for good measure. Yeah nah Bro! It all feels ever so Wicker Man, the endless dirge summoning the masses to worship and consume. I don’t understand it, I don’t want it and I’m tired of it.

For the last meanwhile, I just stopped. I’m old enough (just turned 55 I’ll have you know) to know most of my flaws and that these days most things can be cured with a timely nap. I’m a borderline compulsive obsessive, so I find it hard to switch off and simply – STOP – because if I do, I’m terrified I won’t be able to start again. Creative Rigor-mortis will set in, flooding my nerves with apathic leprosy whilst flat-lining above the neck. If I pick up my phone to glance through socials, hours can disappear, doing what? I don’t know, but I’m sunk, drowned in the endless otherness that I don’t care about, but still I’m stretched out on the social seabed, endlessly swiping right.

I realized I needed something more fundamental than just stepping back and taking breaks, I needed to RESET. I can’t change who I am, so I need to redirect those compulsive energies into something positive. I can’t put away my phone forever, I still need it for the ordinary and everyday stuff. Stepping away has helped give clarity, but I’m not there yet. I want to share my images, that hasn’t changed, but I need to do it in a different way now, more measured and mindfully. Taking my foot well and truly off the social pedal has amply demonstrated that there’s really no pedal there at all, I’ve just lost my mind in the madness. It’s only when you’re out of it that you realize how foolish you’ve been.

Even doing this Blog is in some small way serving that now in-grained compulsion to share online, I’m very aware I haven’t escaped that compulsion as yet. I’m weaning myself, I hope, off that addiction, in gradual stages of separation. By renegotiating my relationship with social media I hope that I can use it better, for me rather than against me. I love this Blog and it’s been to my detriment that I’ve left it discarded for so long. I’m hopeful that in re-tuning my attention I’ll be a more productive Blogger…..

Away from my online kerfuffles, I’ve been working on several projects that have helped me find a new sense of clarity and purpose. The loss of my Dad late last year knocked me sideways, and the fallout from that loss is something I’m still dealing with each and every day. New mixed media projects during this time have given me the space and time to grieve and meditate on my feelings. I’ve spent a lot of time writing stuff that has given me an unexpectedly satisfying outlet, connecting images with text and tying that to more imaginative ways of exploring the urban environment, such as Psychogeography, derive and urban drifting. Put simply, I’ve been indulging myself, drifting into a more fanciful approach to making images, allowing my imagination to play a greater role in my photography. I hope to bring that sense of fanciful fun to this Blog in future.

So, that’s where I’m at right now. As Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark once hollered, “Changing, designing, adapting our mentalities, improving our abilities for a better way of life”…… well, I’m definitely not so grandiose, but somewhere in all of that, I’m finding my truth and ergo, a way forward. I think that’s the first and last time I’ve ever used ‘ergo’ in a sentence. I hate myself right now.

Anywotnots, there’s more to come soon, but with less bewailing and infinitely more FUN. Thanks for reading.

PEACE! jayjayjjetplane